I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
