That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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