this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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