She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
