I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
