bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
