Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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