I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
