i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
