I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
