Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
