I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
