It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
