just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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