either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
