that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
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You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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