I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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