You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
