is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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