Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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