Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
