Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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