ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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