my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
