i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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