votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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