Don't you send me to vm
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
