I want to stick my p in your. b.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
