Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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