You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
