Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
