Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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