THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
