I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
