After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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