i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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