She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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