Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
