So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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