since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
