I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
