Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
