the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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