mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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