If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
