When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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