Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
