ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Those nachos came to me in a dream
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
