I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize