I will die if light touches me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
