Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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