You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
