He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize