I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
