she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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