All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
