Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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