Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
