I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
