Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
