i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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