I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We had sex on a dog bed..
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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