i was rollin on her like bob the builder
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
