so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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