Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
