Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
