I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
