thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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