I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
