Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
