and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
