Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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