So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Welp...herpes.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
