I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
