she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
