True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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