Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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