I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
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Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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