im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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