I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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