don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
