Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
