Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
