Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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